Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends whom we choose.

Not until two days ago I realized, that I am still in pain from loosing a friend.

There's nothing like it. Not even a "relationship" break-up could compare to this. There was no good bye, just an impulse message I left in his voice mail.

How would you say goodbye to a friend?

My friend has been a friend through good and bad time. We're on each other's skin, for more than six years. I knew who he is, he knew who I am. We've hurt each other so much, but we shared good memories too. And I love him. Not in away that a girl could love a boy, but more like a brother, a playmate. Six years of my adult life is a very long time for me. I grew up with him. He grew up with me. Although each of us ran different course in life. I am with Jesus, and he is with himself.

We had our moments, but somehow through our interactions God showed me grace. What grace really means. What patience really means.

There are so many things in my life that would be different without him. Some could be better, some could be worse. Who I am now would be different without or with him. But that's what friends are in my definition.

But two weeks ago, I had to make a decision, a very hard decision that I thought that it would be good for us not to contact each other for awhile. That without seeing each other, each of us could heal and learn from the experience. And I hope he will learn something too. What would you do if you know that your friend is doing something destructive to himself? I stayed with him, because I love him. But what would you do if the destruction eventually hurt you and other people? If I love him, then I need to frankly tell him the truth. I took the risk, I did it, and we haven't talked for two weeks now.

I miss him. But if I love him, I have to show him that he cannot continue what he's doing.

Am I making a mistake or am I doing something right? At what expense? I had prayed about this and God had confirmed that I need to stop contacting him for awhile.

When I think about him, I pray that God will open his heart and continue to work in him. May be without me in his life, but I hope and pray someday he will realize this. And when I think about friendship, I could not imagine how much God must have loved me. He knocked me on the head pretty often, that made me realize that He loves me more than I could fathom. When I went the wrong way, when I need to turn around, when I need to say I am sorry...now, He will heal my pain.

A poem about Definition of A Friend. Author Unknown...
A friend should be radical.
They should love you when you're unlovable,
Hug you when you're unhuggable,
And bear you when you're unbearable.
A friend should be fanatical.
They should cheer when the whole world boos.
Dance when you get good news, and cry when you cry too.
But most of all a friend should be mathematical.
They should multiply the joy,
Divide the sorrow,
Subtract the past,
and Add to tomorrow.
Calculate the need deep in your heart,
and always be bigger than the sum of all their parts.