A mother is something absolutely new.

The complete quote: the moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. by Rajneesh.

I guess until I became a mother (which currently, that's not written in my future plan.), I will never know how hard it is to be you. My mother worries so much about me, thinking that I am her five year old youngest daughter, no matter how old I am, no matter how many proves she has had, I am always be her five year old youngest daughter, with two ponytails on my head, needing her protections all around the hours. All she does, the messages, the suggestions, the worries, are just her reflections of being a mother. Which, made it difficult for me to share things I am facing, especially difficult situations, because I don't want her to worry more.

My mother couldn't helped of being worry, from time to time I always remind her that she was the one who taught me how to pray, how to trust God, how to surrender, and ultimately, not to worry. But, may be being a mother is more difficult than that...I would never know.

But my friend said, never say never. She always told me that everytime I said I admire her for adopting and raising two children in the seven years! She started when she was 35, thinking that, later than that would be too old to raise a child. I am not saying I am not thinking of getting married, I am, if I ever found that person who loves me, totally love God and agree to spend a lifetime (which is a very long time!?!) with me to just serve God, someone with mission as his life goal. I found probably one or two, but I lost them along the way and too coward to open the backdoor and run to him! O, well. The future one will be better! If a guy is not running to me, most likely I won't; for me, that first initiative tells many things, including what would I get in the future including his leadership capability. I am not being demanding here, I am just following what the bible would say about manhood and womanhood. There is no relationship between superiority or inferiority, but a role of a husband is to lead, and that's the foremost that I want after all those Christ-minded life that this person would have. That's who I want and I am not taking anyone without those qualities; being single is okay with me, it is a gift from God to be able to do more things that otherwise married people couldn't.

So, adopting, that's what I was talking about. Single parenting will be okay for me, if I ever decided to, the only one I am thinking about was the thought of the child having a father figure in her life (I am not going to adopt a boy, I have four mischievous nephews), and it would be hard for her. I've never thought about this until I went to San Francisco last year and walked behind a mother and a daughter who held hands all the way. They stopped once in awhile to see the stores, but they always held hands. I was so touched with that, what a happy couple. And I thought, I want one of those!!

Yesterday was mother's day and what happened with me? I lost my phone before going to the symphony. I "managed" to lose my phone every couple of years, one of the ways to catch up with the cell phone industry and get "updated", or otherwise I would stay with the oldest style since I know I would never spend money for a phone. My phone company always gets me a new one for free and it is in the mail for a couple of days. So, no phone calls to mom on mother's day, I have to wait until tomorrow morning to call her from my office. I think my mom will not miss the call that much because in our country, mothers' day is November 2 (children's day is July 23 and there is no father's day!).

Today at church, they honored all mothers and chose three to give gift baskets to. I admire mothers, they are the hard working people on earth. They work almost 70 hours per week, takes care of everything, and rarely to complaint. At least that's how my mother is. She always gets up early (at four in the morning), get our breakfast ready at 6am (when all of us were at home and at school), and be ready for work herself at 7:30am because she had to commute for 30 minutes. She gets thing done, she's talkative and always entertaining to guests whomever they were. She would do anything to get us what we want, especially if that's for school or church activities. She's retired right now but she serves at church for three more years, learned to preach (she's a deacon but she preaches most of the time because her church has three chapters with only one pastor). She said she's been using my books and my OurDailyBread that I left at home. Thank God for my supermom. Happy mother's day, mom!