My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter

One year anniversary of this blog and also the last post of this blog.

When I chose the title of the blog out of the many church signs I've chosen for the posts in this blog, the image of Jesus as with his fully human and fully God, that came to my mind was from the Passion of Christ movie, when Mary his mother remembered the moments they shared together when Jesus designed a table that introduce the new way of sitting around it, and said, "This is how rich people would sit around the table."

The image in my mind meant so much to me, just to remind me that:

• Jesus had lived the life on earth. He knew exactly when we were sad, angry, love, laugh, and only one thing He doesn't share with us, that is sin. To know that before He started his ministry, he grew up learning the carpenter skills from his stepdad (Joseph). He lived as we live, He learned and he worked, until he was thirty and started his ministry.
• Jesus creates. Although He was called rabbi and teacher, part of his character as a carpenter reminds me that he created, he cultivated creativity.
• Because of this image, people had a hard time to understand who He is, and thus started the entire rejection of his Divinity..how come a poor boy from Nazarene who's a son of a carpenter claimed himself to be the Son of God...

This year had been an amazing year for me, writing the blog had been helping me to clear up my mind, and helping me to put the thoughts on surface, take what I need and throw away the useless ones...It is one of my ways to bless God and to love God because He loves me first. It has built my faith and my hope in Him. It has pointed to me my fault, my failures, and help me surrender more of my life to Him so that He can accomplish what He wants to accomplish in me. It has helped me to go through pain and laughter and inspired me to write, to create, and to think of who I can be.

One thing I will leave this blog with, Jesus is NOT just a Jewish Carpenter to me, he's my savior.

O, and this is the new blog address: http: ...how long is now...

The place to which God calls you is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet

My deep gladness, not necessarily meet the world's deep hunger, lately, was a priceless experience to engage in SOS mural project. It's been a trip, an amazing journey within me to push myself outward. I share what Steve Sjogren said about himself,"I am who I am no matter if you like it/me or not. Life is far too short to live for the applause and approval of people." Enough said.

To me, the purpose, motivation, and how to do the project is the most important and what's count in my dictionary. When we're there, there was no one else from the community, but I know guests have been excited to see the murals, and to them, whom sometimes spent their time in jail, this room, the outlet, is like heaven...even if it's in the basement, and the fact that we're there to beautify the place for them, is just blew their minds. Kirk and Debbie told me these...they've been asking, when is it going to be done so that they could enjoy the work.

Mural can be just a mural, but the fact that God places us down there with an account that the guests could enjoy the place and spend more time down there to build relationship with one another, takes this mural into a different account. To me, it is an honor to serve the guests who come here, and I will come here more often on Saturdays when I don't have to work...

Among the hard work, the failures, the time alone, time together, the not-so-perfect days, and the green SOS shirt that I don't have because it was too big on me, there were:

• First and foremost, to get lost in my drawing, having fun with the paints
• A paycheck, a payoff, when I saw the faces of the students light up when I told them they had a chance to be creative, to tell a message to the people who eat in the diner about what God wants them to know, when I heard them saying "I had fun".
  
• A paycheck, a payoff, when I listened to the comments from CGM guests that they liked the mural, ah, it feels good.
• A payoff, today, especially, when I heard people said, "Could we go out and pick up trash in the neighborhood?" I was almost in shock, but I am just in awe for what God had put calling in these servants' heart. I told them to give me a call if they got lost and just to stay in three blocks radius. A group leader and about ten students came back and told me, "We've got to meet a pastor at the Lutheran Church, telling us about new developments and what's going on in the neighborhood, and listened to his conversations.." For me, this what the real outreach was...
• A relief, when I saw students responded when I asked them to volunteer, to clean brushes, and just to help...today, I feel that I can work with students...
  
• These new friends I made along the way, with Kirk, Harmony, Jillian, Denika, Bethany, Pastor Bready, Calvin the facility person at Tryed Stone, Bugger (that's just what we call him, no one knows his real name), Dave, Teresa and Bill, and Scott and Andy from Sherwin Williams and Porter Paints, the generous paint suppliers...and the students, Nicole, Any...
• A new found knowledge on how to start and to fund my own ministry!
  

I feel blessed, so blessed, to have this opportunity. I am sure I can finish this journey well, with God! This is the best birthday gift ever from God, this is my renewed, found, ministry.

On pic: Nicole, who has been helping me with joy for the last two days, and gave unbelievable support to what I am doing...
Quote is by FrederickBuechner.

What I believe is not what I say, what I believe is what I do

...love keeps no record of wrongs. I Corinthians 13:5.

Serious lies in our heads can mess up our heads and our hearts. There is something about temper in my family that runs through our blood, at least, that's what I believe until yesterday, that temper is genetic. My dad's family has a temper problem, which never gets physical, but really gets in my head in terms of this. I was working with teenagers yesterday, with SOS, and of course with teenagers, they are just those who needs more love than any others, especially when it came to keeping the paint out of the carpet. And I think I've lost it, only inside my heart and didn't get spilled out over the crowd, but I am terribly sorry for it, and I've asked God to help me to not to burst in emotion when these kinds of things happened.

I was driving and praying and my thought was in a pause and another thought slipped through and said, "Never believe in lies that anyone else told you about yourself." I heard this before in the radio about callers who told their dad's best advice on father's day. And that thought was just my Father's best advice yesterday.

I can change when I asked God to lead the way. I can manage the anger that happens inside my head and my heart. Yesterday's experience was just my experience to learn more how to deal with youth and teenagers with many kinds of behaviors and attitude and learn to be more patient and loving with them. When the bible says..love keeps no records of wrongs..I just have to suck it in my brain and my heart, and I should be able to let go of this soon after it is done.

Another thing God told me to listen yesterday, was not to keep records of wrong, to just leap over the big ME and left that at home. I was walking at the other mural site, when I gathered there was not enough colors for the paints and somethings were not done right. I've learned that taking leadership means taking the blame, taking the junk, doing what everyone else does not want to do, and most of all, I learn that smiling helps to lower my head temperature and help me to be more loving and humble. What rocks about it, was that I read that scientifically smiling and laughing brought a prescription to our brain to elevate it to a better stage (from GrantJeffrey book).

That's what I asked God to help me with today. I am not going to believe the lies that I cannot change, that high emotion runs through my blood therefore I couldn't stop it, because with God, I could do all things. And when God is in me, He's in control. He's in control.

Love and the power of love is easy to say. But love and the power of love can only work when it is done.

From Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller.

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

Tim and I were drawing the last outline for the biggest mural we're going to have when he said, Be careful with the bees on the roof. Did I hear that right? Bees? Bees, my wonderful friends that will help the trees and vegetables to provide food for us. Bees, the creatures I was so worried about extinction and was in my thoughts for the last week. Are you kidding me, Tim? I want to get close to them. I pull the ladder to the top near my friend the bees, I know they won't attack me if I don't bother their nest. Apparently they have made a new home out of the roof that's only two years old. Thank you, bees for being here and don't go anywhere. It is God's way of saying, no need to worry little child, I, God, the God of the universe, have it all together.

This weekend, amongst the mural work and driving around my car that's almost die but not yet, I managed to read again the book my friend Jean gave me. The title is Creation, by Grant Jeffrey. It is written by Jeffrey through a thorough research and interviews with scientists of all kinds. According to Jeffrey, almost 40% of scientists believe in the power of the Supreme Being after they dwell with the science and found that facts that cannot be doubt, in the perfect creation, in the perfect and beautiful design of everything on heavens and earth, there must be a Creator, and a Designer. The book is a defense of Christianity and its theory of creation and it takes a stand against evolution. You can't have both in your mind, either you believe that creation is a God thing from the beginning or your ancestor was an ape. You might have to check and ask more question about you being a follower of Christ if you still think evolution is the real deal. Because how would you believe the rest of the Bible if you think Genesis is not telling the truth?

Title is from Isaiah 40.

I can't think of now cause I am stuck in then

Stuck or lucky, in transit for two days in NYC on my way back to Cincinnati from Vancouver. I was busy catching up, soaking in every inch of the city, until I realized I had to catch up the next flight to Cincinnati. I wish I could take the subway, but then time rushed me in and I went to the curb for a taxi ride. Forty five minutes in the taxi was a long time, but not for long in New York when every taxi driver is friendly.

He's from Ghana and had been living in the city for twelve years, all were spent driving taxi. One daughter currently staying with his ex-wife, or whatever you call it, he said. Do you like driving taxi? He said, He made pretty good money sometimes. I tried once to calculate my non-profit salary to live in NYC and it's just doesn't add up, even if I subtracted the gas money and car insurance, reduce the cost of apartment by may be living in Queens because even Brooklyn is gentrified now. So I asked him how could he live in this big city with a taxi driver salary? And he showed me a paper of his rent agreement where he is subsidized and only paid about $75 for rent. Seriously. I saw the paper myself. He said, you have to meet certain income standard to be eligible. But then, I thought his life is probably harder with a daughter who needs child support. I asked him how's the big apple treating him, he said, life is good here, better than in Ghana, and he can save money (he can save money??!!?).

He asked me if I love New York, I told him I love the city and would love to spend at least two years of my life in it. Dwelling with creativity while preserve as if the crowded noisy city is my himalaya mountain. I could get lost in it, without being notice, while at the same time, I could turn around and the opportunity to connect with people is as easy as one two three. It's a time machine that takes me to the fifties where all the people I admire had lived. It is a big book I could jump in where I can float and remember all the buildings and the streets and the famous architects and neighborhoods where Jane Jacobs described in her book became alive in front of me. It is the world in one hundred square foot where I could see all people in one horizon. It is a dream of sitting in the Met dwelling in the same operas I love. In my dream, there is also street corners where original and chained coffee shops compete for my money; Washington Park square where I could spend hours watching people, people with their dogs, girls experimenting with new fashion trends, people sleeping on the bench with all their house travelling with them, people who are in love and couldn't wait to kiss another time, ah, life is beautiful; there is a neighborhood diner next to a bagel shop next to a subway station, next to fruit vendors who never close; there is old, almost black brick buildings rows to protect the houses in the ally with big trees and wide sidewalk and small fences small enough I could see what's actually inside the buildings and stoops up to the doors, all in different styles and detail; there is cops in their cruisers, sirens, and sirens, made me remember that life is a cycle; writing this, makes me want to visit New York and go back to when I was lucky, not stuck, in a plane transit.

He asked me where I live and I said Cincinnati, Ohio and he said, how was it, It's like a small New York I can afford.

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice;he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him

No, we don't celebrate father's day in Indonesia. My father is a faithful husband, obediently loving his children at the best of his ability. In highschool especially, I was glad that I have a father like my father, when, he is an honest person who didn't get involved in all the corruptions that was going on at that time at his workplace that got the entire industry shut down. Not that he didn't have the opportunity. He had the opportunity awhile back, when he got promoted but had to relocate outside Java, I didn't remember exactly, but my mother said he went home a week later because he just cannot live without us being around. Now I am still proud of him and his decision to choose us rather than big bucks or pride or "achievement" at the world's standards.

Growing up, our relationship has gotten better, and I always tried to initiate conversations, around garden, or herb, or his fish pond, or vitamin I should take, or just simply asking him about his family. He's very proud of his family's past and loves to tell stories about them. He's seventy years old this year, retired, and very proud of his garden that he tends every morning.

Thank God for Bapak!




Title is from Proverbs 23:24.

Be still and know that I am God.

When I started to think about this, the quest of knowing Who God is, or thinking about it, I already feel like a dash of dust in a dessert. I am aiming for a quest of knowing Him intimately, everyday of my life, to know what He likes and what He doesn't like, to know what His favorite thing, to know what He feels about me, all because I am in love with Him and wanted to please Him. It's a lifetime quest, really. Even in my life time could not even gather only a one percent of who He is, but I hope He would allow me to know Him intimately.

Buechner (again), mentioned about language and naming things and how that was the first time that Adam did when God created him, to name animals and plants in garden of Eden. Buechner said that naming things is the first thing human being do to identify, to know, something or someone. So my question is, why do we name God, God? Why does He has a lot of them? Why does each culture, without consulting with one another, had a sense of searching, yearning for who He is? Could it be because there's a God-shaped hole in each of us? Could it be because it has something to do with His character as a superior being compare to us, more than everything that He is the ultimate creator of all things?

Dr SM Lockridge's famous "That's My King" sermon of God's title and His work and Isaiah's prophecy of Jesus are probably the two most articulate summary of who God is. But, I want to begin with the God I know and I wanted to know more about from Genesis: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. All with that 100,000 galaxies and stars. He worked for six days of creation (which in my belief is different than our literal six days) and always make sure to evaluate His work everyday by saying "I did a good work today", which in Genesis differentiate each day to the other.

But God, today I don't feel that way, or should I say, most of my days, I don't feel that way, especially today. I am always resenting on driving around so much although it is necessary. I spent almost two hours driving back and forth to pick up paints donations in Eastgate that feels like it was located in the ends of the earth! And how much knowledge about the suburbs just make me want to puke, although I am learning to be more positive about it, that, if I am being fair, it's where people made the decision to live! And I've always said I am for people's choices, so I should be open about the suburbs too. I had some Neal today who always, on his own way, rebuke something in my heart, just by saying, "so are you saying you don't like to see us when you visit us in the suburb?" Exactly, I don't know if Neal knows this, but he has the power to convict me, three times already for time I spent with him that could be counted by hands. Places shouldn't matter when there is a people of God I need to serve, despite their choices, preferences in life. And no, I love to see my friends in the suburbs and I love to go to church in the suburbs, not because of their location, but because of their choices to be outward focus outside their comfort zone!

I feel that going to the suburb is exactly what God wants me to be, to at least talk more about the importance of environmental stewardship to others as much as I can. It still, and it should, bother me that people are not recycling things that could be recycled or to buy those unnecessary stuff, but again, I should not put expectations on other people's choices and just try to walk the talk myself. Not that it's unthinkable, because I have seen people taking leadership and effort to recycle, to use things as efficient as possible, to buy less things and to drive less. I still consider the last one as my vice, I need to drive less.

There are so many things in my head I need to process when thinking about creation and global warming and environmental stewardship, especially the honey bees Colony Collapse Disorder that blew my mind! An artist at the Peace and Justice art show drew an image about how "we" killed the honey bees (although the caused of CCD is still unknown) and the thought of not having fruit and vegetables to eat in the future is just scares me. May be I am exaggerating things because human being had killed wild bees a long long time ago, hence, there are people who became bee keepers. No bees means no pollination, no pollination means no productions of some fruits and vegetables. When my mind could not process how things in nature went wrong, I feel more like a dust when thinking about how God created all of these order and creatures in its details and its glory and still able to create all of these in a grandeur scale as in millions of stars and galaxies, and then, still knows me by name and everything about me that I don't even know myself, and loves me and rather die than live without me.

God is still working today so I pray that He will take care of the CCD and help us to solve this problem and help us to be a better steward of what He has given us.

So I chose to feel that what I did today was good, I put the first draft of the lines for the biggest mural I've ever worked on. I need to go back and make more definite lines and plan for its colors the next time I am coming back.

Currently Reading: Knowing God by JI Packer.

Can we? Do we even know what loving God looks like and feels like

- not just taking comfort in him as an idea,
not just believing in him as a possibility,
not just worshiping him (because there was never a man or woman yet who didn't have to worship something, so why not God?)
but actually loving him:
wanting at least to be near him,
wanting at least to do things for him,
because that is the least of what love seems to mean?
-- FrederickBuechner.

It's too long for a quote for me. It's an invitation from God to truly love him. And it was one of my questions of the day to him. I was thinking about how Buechner found out that he loved God. It was when he was in his most weakness state, that he desired to be with God, wanting to love God, not out of his needs but out of love.

Buechner told the story of the feeling of lost, grieve, over someone who was so close to his heart, someone he loved the most who were dying, to think that devastation of losing the person was just unbearable, which he described as "the wilderness". It was one of those moments when you just don't feel that God was around, to listen to his story and knowing that he was in pain. In that wilderness he felt like he wanted to be with God, to be near him and to do something for him.

Buechner had another saying/quote that I think is related with the quote I used, and in my particular walk with God, is very true. It says, "Pay mind to your own life, your own health, and wholeness. A bleeding heart is of no help to anyone if it bleeds to death."

I want to do things for God, but at the same time, I need healing left and right, I have more room to grow. I believe that God can use me where I am. Over dinner, Bethany read to me a beautiful metaphor from MaxLucado book, I forgot what the title was. But Lucado was talking about several candles who refuse to be lighted and to be moved to light the room, the sole purpose of candles, with various reasons. One thought it needs to learn about wick preservation, one thought it needs more meditation to avoid wind, and the other one think that they are not ready. And in the end, it is confirmed that those candles were bought from a closed church down the street.

From a closed church down the street.

It is easy for me to get comfortable in a community with good friends and brothers and sisters in Christ, there's nothing feel like it, there's nothing feels like you're accepted the way you are, to be comfortable in my own skin, and there's nothing feels like you can say out loud that you love God and no one judge you of being a christian freak. And forgot about going out there and tell people that Jesus loves them.

It is easy to get so comfortable inside church and gets so inclusive inside programs, programs, and programs, which I believe is important, although, I believe it is to be less important than reaching out to others. God is out working to set things right and the church should be his hands and feet to make things right, right now, not tomorrow, not in heaven, but right now.

It is also not easy to serve in solitude. Especially when you put expectation on people and not on God. I should know this. It should reminds me of the many rejections, lack of appreciation, and all that. The mistake is not on other people, but on us who put expectation when love is not supposed to be like that. Love is supposed to pour out of abundance and overflows from our hearts, without expectation. God help me to work on this in my heart today.

That's sound familiar for me. It sound familiar that sometimes I have excuses not to just show up at an outreach, or to accept invitation to lead, or just to be the answer of someone's prayer. It is easy for us to give the reason that "we're bleeding ourselves, we cannot help you" kind of thing. But at the same time, it is true when we're really bleeding, we can't help other people. Growth needs to happen inward and outward, and it will happen when we step forward out of our comfort zone.

So sit at the feet of the wise

Passion without wisdom to give it shape and direction is as empty as wisdom without passion to give it power and purpose - F. Buechner.

Another confession of mine today from this weekend's mind journey: I love AngelinaJolie. She's the only part of hollywood I want to read about. Yesterday I saw her at the cover of Esquire and I read the entire thing. This is embarrassing, but I admit it anyway because I did read the whole thing. She does what she can with what she has and I believe that with that amount of sacrifice in her life despite the criticism and all the cynical writings about why she does what she does, she is a good person with a good will. One of the part of the article that cling in my mind was that, the writer told that she does what she does, continue to adopt kids from other parts of the world, developing villages, conserving wildlife, and visiting the forgotten parts of the world to point attention to them, was because she is empty and she wanted to fill up herself. Ah, I thought that was just a sentence from a jealous writer. I think she is a good person with a good will; to me she's like mother teresa with a human face. Mother Teresa was like an angel; I've never heard anything wrong that she did. What I learned from her, is, her persistence; that she's continue doing what she thought was right regardless what other people said about it. She could care less about the media or whatever else everyone said about her. Yes, she made mistake, and yes, not everything she does in her life was as perfect as Mother Teresa, but none of us is like her either.

I know what's missing from all the things Angelina is doing, the core part of what's she's doing and her motivation, was still, not like saint Bono, but still, I want to thank her for what she's doing with her life. For the many turned heads to the refugee camps, for the raising numbers of adoptions in Ethiopia, Cambodia and Vietnam, for the many news made of the places she visited and thus, made people think, at least one more time, before having a dinner feast, for putting faces on numbers, and for the love she invested with the forgotten people.

These past three days, I've been working on preparing the wall for the mural project. God had taught me things: to be patient is one of them, but also, the most important thing, is to put wisdom with my passion. No matter how excited I am with the project and how I wanted to do everything right, I've never budgeted the time needed to work on it. I am not being unrealistic, but I am just being me, an overachiever self. But when the project include other people, I need to put them in equation to. Not "How much can we accomplish" but "How realistic can it be accomplish" that will make life a little easier with less stress. I am just grateful that God is using me in an area I am passionate about for His glory. AngelinaJolie said, "No, I am just lucky to have a fun job," and I would like to say the same. That's what passion is, when the deepest need of the world hunger met with the core of our satisfaction in doing what we do. But as Buechner said, passion without wisdom as empty as wisdom without passion. So I pray for God to give me wisdom.

Everything else in my life is shut off for the mural project this next week. That's what I am going to spend my time outside work, is for the mural project. I am not worried about the exhibit I am having next month and am not going to sweat about it. I will take a break right before the beginning of SOS to go to the first opera this season, but that's all the break I want. This is way more important than MY exhibit. I hope and pray that God will help me so that this project will bless the people at the two sites, the students at SOS, and everyone else involved in it, including me. I hope and pray that God will give me wisdom to make a quick decision, to stop being an over-achiever, and to give me wisdom to make everything works well. If God can use the flowers and the bees, He can use me for His glory, when I allowed Him to.

When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all

I was sitting on my desk the other day after a long day of worrying about future stuff that I have been asking the answer to God for awhile. I got the answer and He granted my request. But it was amazing to me to know that this is how his method of answering my prayers work:

1. I asked Him a specific question.
2. I asked Him a specific question.
3. Repeat more than 100 times.
4. Include worry in it.
5. He told me not to worry.
6. I was still worry.
7. I thought, may be I should change my question because He's definitely is not answering, He's telling me something or I wasn't listening.
8. I started to change my question, dragging my heart toward agreeing what I thought He wanted me to.
9. My question had changed, but He leads me toward the first question again.
10. God can't be confused, I am confused.
11. I was frustrated. I surrendered. I felt assurance that He would grant me my request, although I have no idea how I would get to that goal.
12. I felt completely at peace.
13. I forgot being worried.
14. He granted me my request.

This happened many many times. As if God wanted me to know that I need to aim to "knowing Him" rather than "asking Him what I want."

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:25).

I don't know where to start, how to know God. But I guess I can start from the Book that POINTED to Him, although even the Book cannot contain Him. The whole universe can't. This week, I am going to dwell on the first chapter of the bible to get me started on the long forever journey of knowing God. I am excited with what I am about to discover, because from what I heard, this God, is pretty amazing!

Title by CS Lewis