Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours

Mother Teresa was not like the rest of us. She was still human, of course, but unlike me, she's very determined and driven on what she wanted to do with her life. At the age of ten she wanted to be a nun, and she started two years later.

I was reading her life story. How she refused to have a ceremony/party to honor her work and asked if the $6,000 could be sent to the poor in Calcuta. In an interview, someone asked what would a person do to promote the world peace. She said, "Go home and love your family." But her answer is contradictory to what she's done. Her home is in Albania. And her family was there also. She left home to build a charity ministry to take care of the lepper, the sick, everyone who is shunned from their family. And what she had done, was not only creating a "world peace" that had influenced the political situation around the area, but also inspired many people to show care and love to others.

And of course she was not the only one who did the work of taking care of others. But there is something in her humility, her simplicity, that is just different from others. If she was glad and happy helping the poor, was it part of her self-interest that she's doing that? What motivated her, really? Why did she do that? Why she wanted to be a nun?

I believe that motivation matters. Mother Teresa proved it. Many people might do what she did, but her motivation, her love, was just made a world of difference. Her famous motto is "small things done with love will change the world." She didn't say "small things done with love will change the city. or the church. or somebody. She gave away love and it kept coming back to her, making her a well of love where everyone around her could feel.

I might be going to the PCUSA mission trip to the Gulf Coast in March, if I can get my application on time. There are more people interested than the available spot. I will also go with the Vineyard church group to New Orleans in April. Another great thing about my job that lets me keep saving time to use as I please (with the boss' permission, of course).

I am worry about my motivation more than I am worry about budget or timing or my availability at work. I have to admit that one of the reasons I am going is because I feel good when I help others. Does it mean I am being selfish or am I serving other people and fulfilling my needs, too? Or am I doing this because God's love is overflowing in me; it is impossible to hold the fountain shut.

Because of my job, sometimes I had a hard time to fit the schedule to serve with people at my downtown church. But God had led me to another church, who is like me, is overflowing with love, they can't hold the door shut. I am comfortable to go to two churches at the same time. Afterall, it's about the big C church, where Christ is, and how we could further His Kingdom. I have a small group who will go out twice a month greeting people and showing them that God loves them. We coordinate our own supplies. We will go both with the church and by ourselves. My other small group, that consist of more younger crowd, go around downtown more often than I would be. I know how precious the freedom of speech is; I've lived the opposite. I am comfortable to proceed people and hand them God's love without being pushy. We offer prayers only if people wanted to, and most of the time, people are open to prayers. One day in my downtown church, a navigator missionary from Norway who just came back to Ohio said the perfect sentence: "As believers we've loss confidence that people are hungry. And we have the answer."

But until I gave away love, I would never found love. Until I had the right motivation - to love others - I would never completely be satisfied of what I do with my life.