Will the road you're on get you to my place? -- God

Last week, I went to a writing class sample that promote many writing classes in the organization. The topic offered was creative writing, which was different from what I am interested in, but close enough to jump start my brain, or even to exercise. I had no expectation other than may be listening to what other people have to say and may be, I could pick up some inspiration along the way.

I had an idea what this organization is all about, but I was always curious of what they are really like. We were sitting down in a circle in a dimme lighting in a large room with low ceiling (it was located in one of the newer houses in the suburb..). There were about thirteen of us, all women! No one said a word; I was wondering if they had the same thoughts as I was. That. this. already. feel. like. an. occult.

The leader than came and sit down in the center. She light up a big red candle in a big mug. She said, the "tradition" they have before starting a class is to light a candle and hand the candle to each person. The purpose is to focus and as a symbolic action that we're leaving every thought in the world and leave all the thoughts in the room. To concentrate, may be what she meant. She held the candle longer than all of us. I didn't know what she was doing actually. So, I did what other people did, but with a prayer, to say that "God, this is sound like an occult."

And then she rang a chime. Once. And she hold a stone. Again, the tradition has been, that everyone who speaks need to hold the stone. She said many women had held the stone, and it has been "empowering" to all of them. Whatever, I think. This reminds me alot of the original hippy tradition, where people hold a feather when they speak, wait for a turn. The one thing I don't agree with religion, is the ritual, the made-it-necessary-by-human-rule actions, where you should do this and you should do that, otherwise...and yes, "God, this is sound like an occult..."

If the sole purpose of this exercise was to write and to share our writings with others, then why do we have to deal with the candles. And meditate, sort of. ALthough the exercise was good, consist of two sessions: fast write and saying things. Fast write is creating the first draft of our writings, and then the next one is reflecting from the poem they chose for the day.

Ayn Rand once said about hippies: exhibitionist who don't have anything to exhibit. But, this is the last thing I would like myself to think about from the experience. I do feel good after reading my own writing to other women. But, I am sure, it would be better when we start everything in prayer, to Jesus, because if we need to center our world, it should be to Him, our creator, the reason why we exist, and the sole purpose of what we have in life. And if writing is a gift, a talent from Him, then we should give it back to Him. Not to the chime. Not to the candle. Not to self.

Worry Ends When Faith Begins

Shoes should serve the feet. They are made to help us protect our feet, and to help them function better. Last week I bought two pairs of vintage shoes. These are shoes worn in the old days, perhaps in the sixties, where women's feet were smaller (I guess), so that the vintage stores are my favorite destination. One is small with a little heels that would only rise me about an inch, they are light brown with a dash of orange, with tiny ties around the the ankle. Far from mundane. I've worned them twice, and I almost fell over more then ten times, on silky floor. I was lucky to have someone hold my hand all the time. We cancelled the walk because of the shoes, and we have to drive because of the shoes. I don't know about the pretty shoes, but I am not gonna wear them if it would eventually cost me my back.

The other pair were red. My other favorite color. They are not mundane red, but promaganate red, with a little worn out color on it. I've worn them once, to work, along with outfit at the same tone. By the end of the day, after all those walking around the properties, running around upstairs and downstairs for printer, going to meetings, I felt like I need not just one, but four bandages for my shoes. Never mind all the comments on how cute they were, I am not wearing shoes that would eventually ripp the skin off my feet.

So, I came back to these pair of three dollar shoes I got from one of the goodwill store. I was lucky because they are so comfortable, hold my feet well, and when I was walking, I felt like I could feel the ground. I've been running around with it, when I don't feel like wearing gym shoes when I wore dresses or skirts, these shoes served my feet well.

I felt it right after I changed my shoes. I could feel it right away that my mood changes just because of the shoes. They were so comfortable, I forgot that I could not run before. Driving home from work, I could not stop thinking about worry and faith. Worry is like a pair of shoes that don't serve the feet. The more you think about it, the more it will feel hurt. The more the feet will hurt, the slower you walk. The slower you walk, the less you'd be able to function (for me, anyway, cause my job constitutes of, almost, walking and walking all day.) Faith, is like a pair of shoes that serve you. It cost you nothing, just trust to God, the kind of trust you have when a pair of good shoes serve your feet, knowing that the feet will not hurt, knowing that the feet will be able to take you places, and the feet will stay intact by the end of the day.

Shelved the worry that hurt your soul. Wear the faith instead, today.

I don't know what the future holds, but I know what holds the future

Reading "This I believe" section from the NPR this week about a once autistic adults who understand life in a different perspective who hold a career as a scientist who work to create music that calms animals in slaughterhouses prior to the "execution" could be very depressing. The only sentence I could remember from the whole story was: that, "Yes, human being or animal, we will eventually die."

So, then, what is life for? For nothing? Just to try to use our "great potentials" as human beings just so that we know that we're always fail? Because we are. And we will be. It's human nature that we will make mistake and countless mistakes we have done. It's the earth's nature that there will be a disaster somewhere, sometimes because the way this earth works. And because of that, there will be people die somewhere.

And it gets pretty depressing to know that we will eventually die. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes.

Could science prove the nature of dying? Why we have to die? Why couldn't we live forever so that there is no one suffering? What are we become when we die? Do we just vanish from the world and our soul just vanish like that? Just like animals in the slaughterhouses?

Our body is biodegradable. But what about our souls? Our feelings? What would happen to them?

I know someone who could answer that who had died before. Whose been there, done that. One time, my moslem friend asked me if Jesus was God. And why do I believe that? That Jesus was God? I told her all about What Jesus said about himself in the bible. I told her about all the facts, prophecies about Jesus from the beginning of the bible to the end; that Jesus' life had fullfilled ALL the prophecies, not one missed. About the falidity of the bible that consist of writings of people inspired by God. About the lives Jesus had transformed. About the hundreds of people who knew his miracleous works, who testified for him by sacrificing their lifes for the truth they knew. About the millions life He transformed throughout the ages. About the relationship he has with me. About the many miracles I believed came from Him. God himself, came to the earth and saved me and my future. So that when I die, I won't go astray, but my soul will united with its creator, forever.

Yes, dying could be depressing when you have nowhere to go or worst, you don't know where to go. But dying could be a happy transformation, from living in a fallen world and witnessing all its suffering, to reunite with our creator, our Dad in heaven, our best friend, and our true love.

Grace is everything --for nothing-- to those who don't deserve anything

It's way passed Wednesday morning at 400am. And here I am still overwhelmed by the way God loves me. I remember the phrase saying "Jesus loves you, everyone else think you're a jerk." Jesus loves me the way I am including my addiction to coffee, the way I am out of shaped and unregularly exercising my muscles, the way I failed again and again to be discipline in writing, many times I made mistake on what I should've and should've not done. He just loves me the way I am. He doesn't judge me for being different. He doesn't judge me for having opinion on the way things got done in the world. He doesn't judge me for being sad of what's going on in the world. He doesn't even judge me for my perspective towards getting old, and the way I see life as only sixty years old or only when you can be independent. It's all who I am and he takes me as is.

He redeemed my soul from my sin and all of the above. There's no better way to describe love other than that. There's no love greater than his. Halleluya that He moved my heart to realize this.