Back Side Redemption

I missed the last show of "JesusCamp" at the Esquire. Whenever I passed by, I kept looking and planned to go, but I missed it. I have a mixed feeling about it. I think the best relationship with God is found after we saw the world and decided to choose Jesus anyway (we know He chose us first, of course). I grew up "christian" but my parents wouldn't know that I went along the way to turn around, come back to God and had a better relationship with Him. I thank my parents for all those colorful bible story books, sunday school activities, and all the prayers at the dinner table. But, that was just the beginning.

Growing up was an interesting journey in itself, let alone taking our minds deep down into the conversation from "who God is" into "where God is in your life". It's all came by questioning and searching. I was talking to a new friend about this last night, and it dawn on me that I don't want to change a thing even if I could. Because the experience to stray from God's way, to go around and make a u-turn was priceless although it was unintentional. When I had enough rain I could appreciate the sun shine..I knew how living without God was like, and I knew that all I need in my life is God. There was nothing wrong with being "good" all our lives, but the reality is, not everyone had that privilege. Some of us made mistakes, a lot, and God helped us to learn from them. We knew what the world offered, we questioned, and we chose God anyway.

Sunday school is fine. But JesusCamp kind of teaching? I don't agree with closing up our minds to the world, because, it seems that we limit God if we limit our world, as if God has a limit, as if letting His power goes only as far as our minds can go. God is God, and He would make the best of whatever is wrong with the world. God is God, and he will show us the way with his own way, sometimes it is through the mundane life story (your parents are Christian, and you affirmed your faith when you're an adult), or the unthinkable story (God spoke to my friend through AnnaKarenina after he refused to confirm his faith, it's the questioning that He put into our DNA that led him through that). I could find God in Superman, HarryPotter, U2, ColdPlay, Stesenko, falling leaves, the sky, a night club, American Beauty, Amelie, or Prison Break, the possibility is endless). I could find God in nature. I could find God when my friends dragged me into a busy low lighting club, where all I could do was drinking beer while praying to God that the place needs missionary the most. You could find God everywhere in the world, even in the minds of politicians, whom, I assume, care first and foremost about securing their seats.

And since I missed the JesusCamp movie, all I can say is just the interviews with producers and commentary. But, I saw the trailer, and the movie was quite "scarry" to me. Let kids be kids. Let them found God by freeing their minds into the world. Let them choose. And please, if Jesus were alive today, he would care less about who got elected in November than saving you and me.

Note: The church sign was found by a street photographer who was interested with the sign when he traveled to Maine. He, then, decided to come back and took a picture of this sign that he sold at a street art festival on Market Street in San Francisco. He said the sign so far was the second laugh-generating pictures he has (the first one was "Broken English, Spoken Perfectly").

Rain

I wish I could write a language that could be as universal as can be.
Something
that every human being could understand.

To answer that deep,
longing desire to be fulfilled.
And to be loved.

I wish I could be a dash.
inside of the force that fulfill our dreams
a drop of water

The answer
of what is true.
And what is not.

I wish I could be my brain's own hand.
That will scratch the words
flowing in my mind
through the thoughts
and hold it
right at that second
and hold it
before it moves on.

I wish I could be the eys of my mind and my heart
that would send the mesage of love to others
to let them know that they are loved.

I want to be the rain that falls down on your world and ease your pain.
The rain that will wash off your sorrow, give your trees more water to grow it leaves, its fruit, and strengthen its roots. The rain that will follow your rotation everywhere you go. Not tho hard that it will destroy it.

Note: Instead of a quote, all the poems will have its own title.

Man's way leads to a hopeless end! God's way leads to an endless hope

"My friend Andrew the Protester believes things. Andrew goes to protests where he gets pepper-sprayed, and he does it because he believes in being a voice of change. My Republican friends get frustated when I paint Andrew as a hero, but I like Andrew because he actually believes things that cost him something. ..What I believe is not what I say I believe, what I believe is what I do." BlueLikeJazz, pg.110.

I have a story while working with people in my neighborhood. Part of my job is talking with them about their concerns and motivate them to be neighborhood leaders, by working together with other residents to solve problems or to achieve goals to create a better neighborhood. My neighborhood consists of hard-working families who has been living in the area for more than 40 years. Most of the older generations I've talked with, surprisingly, worship God.

When it comes of solving real problems, what do we do as followers of Jesus? I think it would be so naive to just pray without doing anything, or pray that our government will always do the right thing.

The answers that I sometimes heard were: that God will solve every problem, and we just have to pray about it; that we don't have to do anything other than praying. I can't argue that hold the authority to make things happen, but I also believe that someone need to do the work; that God makes thing happen by using living creatures like us.

God helps people who help themselves, right? Sometimes, the city forgot to patch back a pot-hole because there are so many holes to fill they only have so many workers. Sometimes, residents need to be persistent to remind people who hold authorities that, "hello, yes, our neighborhood exists and we pay our taxes too. Please fix this and remove that." Or sometimes, we need to let the congress know that our children have loss so many jobs in the summer and they need somewhere else to work or else they will end up finding other things to do on the streets.

My motivation to do what I do is almost the same as Andrew the Protester in BlueLikeJazz. One time, in our national coalition, we asked for a meeting with the BusinessRoundTable in Washington DC to talk with us about the new NoChildLeftBehind initiative that we thought would reduce a big portion of funding for our children in their school. Communication is very important, and a meeting is a way to talk to view our concern otherwise they would never know what we, the people, know and hear. We didn't do anything violence, we sang a song about love, and all we want is a meeting. Our coalition has been doing this for more than 34 years, annually, and, prior to the protest, we prayed (this is one thing that I was surprised with but I am glad. I felt the present of God in the room, it was very emotional, and it changed my point of view of the entire conference).

If God was there, there's nothing I doubt about it. God help people who help themselves.

Courage is not absence of fear, but mastery over it

For the last couple of months, I've been thinking about what it's like about turning thirty; may be because many friends have celebrated their birthdays, or because I've been too coward to accept the fact that I will turn thirty in the count of months. And the thoughts kept coming when days gone by so fast, I couldn't even keep up with what I used to call "slow time". I feel that even if I had slow-time, it seems to be going away faster.

Why thirty was a big deal, I don't know. But deep down I could feel that too. Soon I will not be able to call myself a member of twentysomethings who are foolish enough to think that we can change the world. There is no excuse of not being a grown-up, since the world seems to think that way for some unknown reasons. Another loss is the down-grade of my art-community memberships that offers more discounts to people under thirty, another proven expectation of the society, as if when you're thirty, you're supposed to be completely independent and able to afford those artsy-fartsy activities with less discounts.

Those outward "expectations" had haunted me, in addition to my own expectations of myself; remembering when I was 26, I expected to be able to be an author by the age of thirty. This is not happening either. Not even close, since my "to-do-list" is only getting longer and longer each day, with a little scratching or deleting, just to meet the most "urgent" things to keep up with life.

And I guess being thirty, or being a grown-up, or being able to be independent while still can afford to have what I called a life, or to achieve what I wanted to achieve, is still an unknown territory. When counting what I have accomplished in life seems unthinkable (since I cannot think of any).

The fear is growing when I know I am not ready to give up my delaying-to-do-things habit (talking about the queen of procastinating), that somehow I should be able to master it, or to deal with it, way before I really turn thirty.

Also the whole commitment thing, that got me into thinking that somehow, I am not capable of holding myself accountable for any long term commitments. I am not talking about relationships (well, that, may be one of them), but only to be able to complete a project that I have started but never seem to have a final result. If I scramble through my apartment I would find uncomplete projects of things, two sewing projects, about five paintings, two crochet projects, and countless articles I "planned" to write. This is not good at all, and I am getting more scared. I am serious. This. is. not. good. at all.

About three weeks ago, I finished a small group discussions talking about what is MY PASSION. There were four of us came from different backgrounds, going through a session to find out what our passion were. The study was a result of a research that was meticulously done through millions of data of every individual that will note every person's individuality. We answered questions about what we thought to be our "passions", took a test, and the result of the study will only affirm what we have stated, but in a more precise language that blew my mind because the characters described seems to exist only in the "goals" side of the table. This exercise also got me into thinking of my turning-thirty thoughts.

I felt like a person with attention-deficit-disorder who unable to focus. I know what my focus in life is: to glorify God with talents that God gace me. I "sort-of" knew what my passion was, but the discussion affirmed that. I went out thinking that I am already focus on my passion, but I have been doing a variety of things that given me more opportunities to grow and, well, just to enjoy what I enjoy doing without limiting my world.

Coming back to those thoughts, may be turning thirty is not about loosing a silly thought that a "thirtysomething" could change the world, because I do think I can change the world (still, being silly).Being a thirtysomething is being able to let go of our "overachiever" self, to budget our time without unrealistically committing to activities I wouldn't have time with, setting a more focus life while managing my "slow-time" in the budget. That in turn, will give me more time to give myself a reward in every accomplished task.

May be, there's nothing to be afraid of by being thirty, the more mysterious being thirty, the better it is for the journey.

God sends away empty those full of themselves

I am not opposed of abundance, thinking that richness is God's blessing. No, really. Materials we have is God's blessings. But, reading the Time Magazine article about the "evangelical" movement who promote searching, digging one's own abundance really gets my attention. Motivation is very important for people to go to church and to commune. When finding wealth on earth is our motivation, we should ask ourselves whom we worship at the first place.

Okay, I might be unequally treating people based on what their wealth, while God would seen them equal, Jesus died for rich people too, as much as He did for me. I don't consider myself rich, when talking about wealth, what we have, how much money we have, but I consider myself rich in convidence that God will provide, and what He gave me is (and will be) enough for me. And I have seen how world's kind of wealth had sometimes blindfolded our hearts towards other people, or whatever else going on in the world, although, it could be a blessing for other people (through philanthrophy or charity). But when it comes to finding money and being consumed to the goods of the good old world for our own benefit, when wealth become our first nature that replaces desire to glorify God, I would say that covers the dirty word greed.

Beside, what does it mean for us to own things more than we need when we know that the world is full of people who even struggle to live, and still, thinking about ourselves. Our world has been build on the act of consuming. That's all we do, consuming and consuming. More room in the house, more cars, more couches, more garages, more clothes, one TV for every room, more, more, more. Instead of seeing the earth as resources worth protecting, we have been consuming it as if we have more than what we have. How could one species on earth misinterpreted the word of God so bad that we missed the word "stewardship" and letting ourselves drawn in the action of consuming and consuming that creates a great deal of imbalance, not just in nature, but also in other people's lives, that we may not see from the horison, but does exist, where people do not even have one piece of cloth to cover them, or think that they were lucky to eat a bowl of corn. Meanwhile, we're so eager to ask God for more and more wealth to come to us. That. gets. me.

It's true that God will bless us more (and He also asked us to "test" him on thithing, that we will receive more than we need), but we need more than just money, or materials, or things; there's more joy to give than to receive. May be it's time to ask "What would Jesus do?" in time when inequality, imbalance, social injustice, are living prosperously in the world that is getting overcrowded?

To me, Jesus was the most radical person in his time, who opposed to be "religious" and to follow the "rules" just because it was a tradition. He was the one who stood up for the poor, helped the helpless, challenged authority because he knew what was right. He sets up a new rule: love, love, and only love. Where is love when we are searching for things for our own benefit, first and foremost?

You may need to lose everything to find that God is all you need

I was taking my bike outside when Lisa approached me. I wonder if she noticed me, but I noticed her. A thin, pale woman in her thirties and a bandana on her head. She always carries a badge that she holds when she approaches people. She offered the street magazine published to help the homeless. I didn't have any cash with me, since i wouldn't need anything while biking.

I told her that I live here and asked where she lives (you never assumed that someone is homeless). She said that she lives in two places, one in Over-the-Rhine, the other one is in Northside, which explain why I see her in that neighborhood. First she said that she needed money for the rent, since she has a little boy, a two year old, and she is currently in disability, because her lawyer told her to, and she had a fellony one time, but it wasn't anything major and she did her time, which is fine with me.

When I asked where her son is, she said he was with her dad in mt. Healthy. And when I asked, if she didn't mind, how much the rent is, she said she didn't really need to pay because she lives in people's couches. Which was a different explaination than the one she told me.

Lisa is one of the many people who hangs around my neighborhood. Her story is different than the other people, who have their own circumstances and other problems that got them on the street at the first place. It can happen to anybody in any given day. But looking at the numbers of homeless people in Cincinnati alone, is discouraging. 2,500 people in a given night is a scary number for a city that is inhabited by 300,000 people.

The solution sounds easy, but it's hard to implement, especially with so many different interest and needs. My neighborhood is overwhelmed with social services. I don't want to point fingers, but sometimes I question if they would provide the roots of the problem at the first place. Most of homeless people work, they just can't afford to have an apartment, or they can't because they didn't have a place to start at the first place. How sad is that? Rent in downtown Cincinnati is not as high as in LA, for example, but yet, they can't afford it because of other things.

But when enough is enough? Shelter and social services might answer the immediate problem that will avoid people to spend the night on the street, but looking at the definition of "HOMELESS", we should realize that a home is what they need, not shelters. Even in one of the most successful cities that did they right thing for their homeless, Philadelphia, providing enough shelters is not enough. After the release of the book "UndertheOverpass" by MikeYakonski, many do-gooders and college kids live on the street to find the experience, which created more problems instead of reducing it. Jesus asked us to have emphaty, and it doesn't mean we have to create more problems for people whom we thought we touched.

Lisa and other people need an access to housing, but they can't do it alone, they need a support to help them to go back in the society. In her case, her record might prevent her from finding a job, then why not assist her to access jobs that will not discriminate someone with a crime record (they did their time, give them a chance!). She might have addiction problem, why not help her to recover or rejoin her father in the suburb.

The irony is that there are more than 500 vacant residential buildings in Over-the-Rhine, which made it more absurd because renovating one building is seems like pulling teeth when dealing with regulations over regulations that didn't even address the root problems. I am talking about the ridiculous lead regulation. Yes, lead is dangerous, but who in their right mind would let someone to live in a house full of poison for their children? I know I won't. And sometimes the rules were so strict, it leaves the main purpose of removing the lead and create a healthy home and deal with the checklist of regulation.

But deeper than just housing, these people need God's boost in their minds. Not just them, but all of us. We need God that will help us to endure anything. God that will connect them to their innerselves, that will help them to go on with life with joy.