If you wanna kiss the sky, you'd better learn how to kneel*

Where did music come from? If it's has been in existence since human being existed in the universe, then probably it was programmed in our DNA and each society then developed their own kind of music. It depends on how music influenced us, I can't emphasize enough that music has drawn my thoughts to God.

It doesn't matter on what kind of music I listen to, I am sure that music exist for our enjoyment and for God's. It is something that cannot be separated from the action of worship in the ancient days. It was what God required to have as the "burnt" offering in the old testament. It was what the entire Psalm was composed of. It was what God used to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Last Saturday, when I was replicating Singer Sargent's painting in Ludlow Garage with my team, I heard this shouting, calming music, came from an instrument called Harped Dulcimer. Although my understanding of music is limited to chords and octave, and my voice could only be heard when the shower is running, my ears know what good music is: it will tell you stories with no words required. And this was how the Harped Dulcimer sounds like. It was as clear as harp, but has the dynamic of guitar, and tune as deep as piano. Dulcimer was rooted from the Irish who came to this country and created their own instrument, and had been enjoyed more in the Appalachian region. The harped is more complicated than the thin, three string dulcimer. I can't remember how many strings it has, but it was just seems more difficult to play.

I really didn't care about what the song was about, and I almost glad there was no words, because then we have the freedom to where we want the music to take us. Music without words gave suggestions, but as the harped dulcimer was playing, my mind was traveling to the mountains where tall trees, shades, smells of eucalyptus, and wet soil mixed with falling leaves. Music is a great tool to meditate, but I thought there should be more than that.

Thoreau introduced the importance of music making, where he suggested to listen to the music making process instead of just "music". Sure there was not any CDs or recording when he was alive, but he had the point. May be music was meant to be experienced both ways, where the maker and the listener could interact just like I was interacting with the harp dulcimer player, as if we understand its language without talking about it, or even compromised on what the music meant to us.

What I was trying to say was, that God created music so that we can have a complete "cross". The horisontal interaction with others and vertical interaction with Him. It is there to remind us that we're not alone, but together in the world.

Another point, that came from U2 (I've been coming back to listening to U2 night and day again!), is that, it can be used to worship without being too "intimidating" or "too evangelical". If I heard words of God in most of U2s music line, other people might too. "If you wanna kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel??" was obvious, isn't it? Prayer is an absolute instrument in our lives. And there is not only U2 that has been worshiping God through "secular music": switchfoot is another group I notice and I listen to. They're like Donald Miller in the music business. My Boss is so brilliant, using all that He created for us so that we can love Him back, my little brain could not even grasp His true genius mind!!

*The line is taken from U2's MysteriousWays.

Happiness is an inside job

My defends on "spending time alone"..in progress.

Is spending your time alone selfish? Why is that such an important question? I was going through a passion affirmation class at church, a gathering that was started from the business world to understand individuals so that, as assets to the company, they will be able to channel their passion in their work, and how to see them as a person instead of a someone to finish such and such project. (Hmm..I wonder if they stole the individuality concept from my Boss...)

While discussing about what I love to "do" and listening to what other members in the group love to "do", I heard myself saying that I love to spend some of my time alone. Everyone has their owns share of wanting to be alone, and I know when it's imbalance with their social time, it became unhealthy. I saw the tendencies from things that I love to do: write, read, yoga, working with plants, all of those were alone time. I saw these things as counterbalance of what I do in daily basis. I work with people and I interact with people more than one third of my days, so may be I do need my alone time.

What would my Boss do? He had his alone time, most of the time, to pray, to meditate, to fast. He even spent 40 days in the wilderness, alone, except that satan could not leave him alone.

Jack Kerouac, one of my favorite writers, also said that being in solitude (being alone is completely different than being lonely) could cultivate our kindness, endurance, utterly loving all life, and to be sincere with everyone, in our madness modern world. He concluded his writings and his "movement" with the beatitude teaching from my Boss, that later on, was followed as the "beat" generation, which most of the time was misinterpreted.

Be alone, sometimes, just remember that someone won't let you to be completely alone (as what my Boss experienced), so, beware. And keeping the balance of alone time and time spent with others is the key. Nothing out of proportion is good for the soul.

Morality, like art, consists in drawing a line somewhere

I am in the midst of reading "ConversationswithBono...", a book written by his pal, Michka Assaya. I have to stop reading once in awhile because the conversation was heavier than I thought; feelings travel farther than thoughts. Many things that Bono was talking about made sense.

I like Bono not only because of his music, but because he's "too politically correct" and he's a Jesus freak. The man reads the bible, practise it, and continue discovering what's left to discover.

The last page I read was an insider story of a "terrorist", a girl Zamura, whose life was tragic: started in not a very good life, lost her parents, lived with her grandmother, forced to marry with a stranger just because of the old fashion tradition, only to know that her husband was shot dead while she was pregnant, deliver the baby only to know that she was taken away from her, until she was sent back to her grandmother's house far away in the corner of the country. Geezz.

She was haunted by guilt and grief. She was then decided to join the suicide bomber, which made her able to pay for her debt, got some money, and off to the plane to abduct her daughter. She got caught by her aunt, but then she got away with her plans and join the rest of the terrorist. For her, to die for "God" is a way to get out of the suffering.

She then escaped from the plan because she found the tragic life of the 14-year-old girl that was with her, blowed herself up in a concert and died with 14 other people. This was a miracle where Zamura realized about how horrible the plan was, and that GOD doesn't want revenges.

Love and mercy do work in the world.

I was in the plane last week from the west coast and was reminded once again of 9-11. Which was tragic, but according to Bono was not as tragic as the current killing of African because of AIDS, or the current Darfur fights between ethnicities. Horrible.

But it was midnight, I had no dinner, had only a couple of cups of coffee, and thus I was grumpy. I had to go through the security twice because I forgot to move my "liquid" things to the luggage.I've gone through many baggage check, to and from other countries, but gladly understand it needs to be done for security. This time was not that terrible, but the feeling was terrible, that made me think more about 9-11 (which triggered the entire security madness), how relevant the Jesus-morality was. The more I think about it, the more it made sense of EVERYTHING that Jesus preached. To love our neighbors, not just those who live around us, but those who live across the globe, and those who do not agree with us in so many things in life, those who might hate us because what we believe. Love and mercy do make sense.

The two were holding hands

The two were holding hands, walking in front of me.
Market Street between Third and Montgomery.
mother in a pair of jeans, a sweater as bright as the sun.
daughter with her long pink shocks, a pair of ballet flats

The two were holding hands, walking in front of me.
Halloween costume caught their eyes.
Look, mother, they're scary enough for the front porch.
she said we can look around more.

Mother and daughter holding hands in front of me.
as if they were in peace, i wonder if they ever in quarrel?

The two were holding hands. As if the world meant to be seen together.

What we sow in time, we recap in eternity

It's feels like a rat race. One part of the day I am working to help rehab abandon houses in a frame of neighborhood revitalization. The long process includes observation of detail, requires preserverance and where one reaction to a problem could influence the entire process. Another part of the day I punch digit, calculating numbers, analyzing effect of how many house will be foreclosed this week.

This one long process of revitalization, could be annulled by a wreckless rollercoaster action of irresponsible action of poorly regulated mortgage lending practice.

As an effective non-profit organization, we have been capable of turning around more than 30 houses in a year. This was in effect when everything was in place, that includes funding, acquisition, neighborhood organizing, housing counseling, and recruitment of highly qualified contractors who cares about energy efficiency, environmentally friendly houses. When one component messed up, the other will follow.

Meanwhile, we're racing with more abandoned houses, more crime that take place in the abandoned houses, more people leave the neighborhood because of the crime, and more people became homeless or partially homeless.

When I thought about this at work, my mind went back when I was in fifth grade, sitting in "Bahasa Indonesia" (language) class, reading a text book that cited verse from Romans 5:1-5 about preserverance. Even in Indonesian, the every word sang to me like no other. It reminded me that everything I am going through is a process of character building. I hope I'll survive this rat race.